Written by Bridgett Burrick Brown
As parents, we often approach conversations about body image with the best intentions, hoping to protect our children from a world filled with unrealistic beauty and body image standards. While these efforts often always come from a place of love, they can sometimes cause unintended harm, introducing ideas our children are too young to process or projecting our own insecurities onto them.
Body image issues are not innate—they’re learned. None of us are born believing that our worth is tied to the number on a scale or the tag in our clothes, yet we may inadvertently reinforce this belief through our words, actions, or even subtle reactions. For example, when we respond to a simple question about what a scale does with, “If you’re happy, healthy, and energized, then that number doesn’t matter, right?” we may not realize we’re linking our child’s happiness or health to weight. What happens if they don’t feel happy, healthy, or energized one day? Does that number suddenly take on more significance?
A scale should be presented as nothing more than a tool to measure weight. For young children, especially toddlers, the explanation can and should end there. Introducing emotional or societal implications at an early age gives weight undue importance and suggests that it might matter in the future. By connecting worth or value to something as arbitrary as a number, even unintentionally, we risk creating an unnecessary issue where none existed.
Heal Ourselves to Help Our Kids
To guide our children toward a positive body image, we must first look inward. Many of us unknowingly
pass down our own struggles, shaped by societal pressures, family conditioning, and unrealistic standards of perfection. This often happens unintentionally through comments about wanting to “lose a few pounds,” repeatedly changing outfits in frustration, or saying things like, “I look terrible in this,” or “I’m so bloated again.” These actions and words are absorbed by our children, even when not directed at them, as they mimic what they see and hear, shaping their views of themselves and the world.
Children learn by example, and they are quick to copy our behaviors. If they see us obsessing over our appearance, constantly changing clothes, or discussing diets, they begin to associate these actions with self-worth. To change this, we can shift the focus to how we feel in our bodies. Instead of saying, “I need to lose weight,” we could say, “I’m going to the gym because it helps me feel strong and energized.”
Our children often resemble us, so when they look in the mirror, they may see reflections of us. This makes it even more important to model kindness and acceptance toward our own bodies. Healing our own body image insecurities is a critical step in breaking this cycle. This might mean seeking support from a therapist, engaging in programs like our workshops at Beyond Beauty Project, reading books on body neutrality, or practicing self-compassion. The goal is to model a healthy relationship with our own bodies, showing our children that worth is not determined by appearance.
Responding to Our Child’s Self-Critical Statements
When our children express self-critical thoughts, such as “I feel so fat” or “I don’t look good in this,” it’s an opportunity to teach them about self-worth and body acceptance. Instead of dismissing their feelings or attempting to reassure them with blanket statements like, “Don’t be silly. You are beautiful,” we can ask open-ended questions to help them reflect on their thoughts. This is a great time to add in some education about unrealistic standards, especially in the age of constant retouching of social media accounts and AI-perfected images and advertisements.
For example:
“Why do you feel that way?”
“What makes you think fat is bad?”
“Do you know that what you see in the media isn’t the full reality? ’
“How can we focus on what makes you feel good instead of what you think you look like?”
These responses open the door to meaningful conversations without reinforcing negative body image. They also help our children understand that feelings like discomfort or insecurity are normal and don’t need to be tied to appearance.
We can also use this moment to normalize bodies of all shapes and sizes, including our own. For instance, we might say, “Bodies come in all shapes and sizes, and they change as we grow -just as they are supposed to. Our bodies are part of nature, and nature is always ebbing and flowing. My body looks different now than it did when I was younger, but it’s still strong and lets me do so much that I love.” This models gratitude for what our bodies do rather than focusing on how they look.
Focus on What Bodies Do
Young children don’t need to be burdened by adult concerns about body image. By keeping conversations neutral and focused on their bodies' functionality—how they let us experience life through dancing, playing, doing sports, hugging their friends, and so much more—we allow them to maintain a positive, uncomplicated relationship with their bodies.
Framing their bodies in terms of what they do for them rather than what they look like helps foster a sense of gratitude and appreciation. When our children see their bodies as powerful and capable—rather than something to critique—they’re more likely to grow up valuing themselves for who they are, not how they look.
If they never hear worth or value tied to weight or appearance, they’re far less likely to connect these ideas on their own. Even as our children grow older and begin encountering societal messages about body image, we can reinforce the truth that worth is unrelated to appearance. By emphasizing individuality, kindness, and self-acceptance, we give them the tools to resist external pressures and celebrate who they are, helping them accept not only themselves but others as well.
Celebrate Beauty, but Keep It in Perspective
I know what you might be thinking: What about enjoying fashion, a great blow dry, or wearing makeup? I love it, too! There’s so much joy in expressing ourselves through what we wear, doing our hair, playing with makeup, or finding a look that makes us feel amazing. Beauty and style are creative outlets—a form of art—and they can absolutely be sources of confidence and fun.
But here’s the key: they can’t be the things that define you or your child. When we place too much emphasis on appearance, it overshadows the qualities that truly matter—kindness, resilience, creativity, intelligence, and authenticity. By keeping beauty and style as things we enjoy rather than things we rely on for validation or self-worth, we teach our children to see these as expressions of their identity, not the foundation of it.
As our children grow, we want them to feel just as confident walking out of the house with no makeup on as they do when they decide to throw on a bold red lip or their favorite outfit. It’s about helping them understand that their beauty doesn’t come from the products they use, the clothes they wear, or the trends they follow—it comes from their confidence, their character, and the way they carry themselves in the world. Beauty should feel like a celebration, not a requirement.
Encourage your child to explore their creativity and have fun with their appearance, but also remind them that who they are goes far deeper than what they wear or how they look. When we model this balance—enjoying beauty and style while staying grounded in our inner worth—we empower our children to do the same. They learn that while external expression is fun, it’s their inner qualities that truly make them shine.
Build a Legacy of Self-Worth
When we teach our children that their worth is innate and comes from within —we help them develop a strong foundation of confidence that extends beyond appearances. This understanding doesn’t just shape how they see themselves today—it shapes the self-esteem they carry forward into adulthood.
As parents, we have the power to break the cycle of body image struggles and perfectionism that so many of us have faced. By modeling self-acceptance and showing our children that worth comes from within, we create a healthier, more positive narrative about what it means to feel confident and beautiful. This isn’t just for our children; it’s for their children and generations to come.
Our goal is to raise children who know they are valuable because of who they are—not how they look. We want them to grow up with the tools to resist societal pressures, to embrace their individuality, and to celebrate the uniqueness in themselves and others. By separating weight and appearance from worth, we offer them the freedom to define their value on their own terms.
Ultimately, our children are watching, listening, and learning from us. Every choice we make—every word, every action—sends a message. So, we must ask ourselves: What do we want to pass on?